


thinking i don't deserve what i've earned (but yeah)

by mageofmoonlight



Series: can i exhale for a minute? [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), aka please scroll past if you haven't seen endgame, and you could interpret it as stucky if you wanted, but steve and bucky are the main relationship, this is pretty much gen with steve/peggy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 11:12:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19105936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mageofmoonlight/pseuds/mageofmoonlight
Summary: “I’m with you until the end of the line,” Bucky repeats. “You’ve always given up everything for me. Please take care of yourself for once. The world may need Captain America, but I think Steve is more important. And I just want Steve to be happy.”or: near the end of endgame, steve and bucky discuss both the future and past.





	thinking i don't deserve what i've earned (but yeah)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I guess I'm on a roll. I just finished up my last Endgame fic and now I'm getting this one out, too. I feel like it's not quite as good? It feels kind of messy and all over the place but I'm not really sure how to smooth it out so here it is. I just felt that this conversation was sorely needed, and it's one of the reasons I'm really not sure how I feel about Endgame. Steve and Peggy's dance made me emotional, though. Title is from "Exhale" by Sabrina Carpenter. I hope you guys enjoy!

For as long as Steve can remember (which is a really long time, according to the jokes the other Avengers like to make), it’s always been Steve and Bucky.

For a little while, it was Steve and Peggy, especially after they lost Bucky. And then the world lost Steve, too, and when he woke up again it was suddenly just Steve.

And then it was Steve and the Avengers, for a bit, though it never fit quite right. And then it was Steve and Bucky again, only it was Steve and Bucky and Sam and sometimes Natasha, and that felt right, too.

And then Thanos snapped and Steve lost Bucky again. And most of the people who were ever a Steve and Bucky or a Natasha and Clint or a Tony and Rhodey were suddenly just down to Steve. And then Bucky came back and Natasha and Tony didn’t.

Loss isn’t anything new to Steve. He and Bucky both have a bucketful of years missing from their lives. _“What’s another five?”_ Bucky had joked when he was given the news. Steve laughed then. He’s not quite sure whether or not he actually found it funny.

Last time Steve lost Bucky, he had Peggy. And then he lost her, too. He lost a lot of things, because that’s how it goes. Steve has learned over the years that he can’t stop himself. When someone’s going to get hurt, or someone is going to take advantage of everyone else, he has to jump in. Sometimes he wishes he wouldn’t. But he spent the beginning of his life as the one being pushed around, and now that he has the power to stop that, he has the responsibility to do so. Even when he didn’t have the power, he still had to try. Anyone can make a difference. Anyone can be someone. Anyone can fight. The problem is knowing when to stop fighting.

Steve keeps fighting, and he keeps losing. There’s always a cost. But he has something to fight for, too. Bucky always fought for him. Now he fights for Bucky.

But Bucky doesn’t need to be fought for anymore. He’s back. And Steve doesn’t have to be fought for anymore, either. They can fight together, Steve and Bucky.

But Steve is so tired.

He’s been running and fighting for so long. He’s saved Bucky. He always imagined that they would have each other after that. Steve and Bucky, together until the end of the line. Once he has done this last job, he’ll put down the shield for the last time.

Until the next crisis. He knows what will happen if he stays. If there’s anything Steve has in common with Tony Stark, it’s their inability to look away when someone’s in danger. That’s what killed Tony. It’ll probably be what kills Steve.

So he does what he needs to do, just like he always does. He puts back the stones. He fixes the timeline. He meets Red Skull – that one’s weird. It makes him feel like that kid from Brooklyn all over again.

And then he comes home.

Almost.

The battle is over. Tony Stark is dead, and everyone is mourning. Steve sees himself talking with Peter Parker, but they’re too into the conversation to notice him. He hopes what he said helps the kid. Something tells him it’ll be his only shot to impart advice.

And then he finds Bucky.

“I did it.”

Bucky turns around. He doesn’t seem surprised to see Steve, even though there’s another version of him standing across the yard. He just says, “That was fast. You haven’t even left yet.”

“You know me. An overachiever.”

Bucky slings his arm over Steve’s shoulders. “Come on. Let’s talk somewhere where people seeing you won’t make them think they’ve had a little too much to drink.”

Steve and Bucky head inside. The door is unlocked, and there’s no one inside Tony’s house. Everyone is sticking around outside for the funeral.

The door swings quietly shut behind them. Steve and Bucky sit on the couch. Steve tries not to think about whose couch it is, or what’s happened to him.

“You should go,” Bucky says. “I’ll be fine.”

Steve laughs. “You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

Bucky shakes his head. “ _You_ don’t know what you’re going to say. _I_ do. I know you’re going to go back in time to be with Peggy. You love her and you miss her. And you have the opportunity to go back and do it. And you should, because you deserve to rest.”

They were going to dance. And then by the time Steve stumbled into the room, it was too late. Peggy had found someone else to dance with, and then he died, and then by the time Steve came back she was too old to dance. Steve wishes they hadn’t set that date. He was fine with it knowing that he would die with the comfort of her love and the expectation of a dance. It was much harder living when it was too late to.

“I couldn’t leave you,” Steve argues.

“Then why did you come to say goodbye?”

Steve shakes his head. “I promised you. I promised I’d be with you until the end of the line. This isn’t the end of the line. We have our lives ahead of us. We may be in the future, but we’ve got each other. I can’t leave you here.”

“Steve.” Bucky smiles. “You keep saving me. Let me save you for once. You’ve gotten me away from the Winter Soldier and let me be Bucky surrounded by friends. I’ll miss you, but I won’t be alone.”

Steve feels his eyes water. He pulls Bucky into a hug. “Thank you,” he says. “And I’m sorry for considering leaving you. I promised…”

“You promised Peggy a dance. And you know she doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“How long have you known I would want to do this?”

“Since I found out time travel existed.”

Steve laughs. Bucky always knows him even better than he knows himself.

“The world still needs Captain America,” Steve says. Some part of him still doesn’t want to leave. But it’s quieting down, now that Bucky is telling him to go. “I can’t take that away from it.”

“Then make Sam Captain America,” Bucky retorts. “Give him the shield.”

Steve nods. He was planning on Sam, too. But… “If you want it, it’s yours.”

Bucky laughs. “I think I need to retire as much as you do.”

Then the shield will be Sam's. Steve is rather glad. Steve didn't want to force Bucky into fighting, no matter how happy Steve would be to know the shield was going to him.

“I’m with you until the end of the line,” Bucky repeats. “You’ve always given up everything for me. Please take care of yourself for once. The world may need Captain America, but I think Steve is more important. And I just want Steve to be happy.”

Steve pulls Bucky into a hug. “I love you, Buck.”

“Yeah.” Bucky pats his back. “I love you, too. And I’ll miss you. But please do what you need to do. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’ll always worry about you.”

“Yeah? Who’s the one who tried to sneak into the army until they took him?”

Steve laughs. It’s full of tears, but he laughs. He’ll miss Bucky. But Bucky’s right. He thinks he’ll be okay.

This isn’t the end of the line. It’ll always be Steve and Bucky, even when they’re years and years away from each other. Maybe Steve will try to rescue Bucky in this new timeline. But they’ll be okay, even if they’re apart. It’s Steve and Peggy and it’s Steve and Bucky and it always has been and always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, comments make pretty much my entire year and I love hearing what you have to say.


End file.
